Rome : where this middle aged women sleeps in top bunk with no ladder

I checked into the hostel and found I was in a top bunk, not ideal for this ageing lady. It got worse when I realised there were no ladder or safety bars on the bed.

After clambering up without a ladder I sat there panicked. My bladder can't last all night. How the hell can I pop to the loo when I need to. 

I clambered back down and went in search of a solution. I found a step ladder in another room and greedily took it for myself. 

It was feebly built and my delicate ankle did not like using it but I needed it. Once again I wrote myself a mental note to request a bottom bunk when booking a hostel. Once again I will no doubt forget.

I managed to sleep well and not be concerned with falling out. I slept with my handbag beside my pillow as there were no lockers. There were no locks on the doors, not the front door or the all female dorm I had booked. 

What's the point of an all female dorm if anyone can walk in and out. It was without a doubt the WORST hostel I have ever stayed in but for €13 a night, I was honestly surprised when I found sheets on the bed, clean ones at that. I decided on the first evening there I would let go of irritation and being on guard the whole time and just trust and accept the conditions and situation. 

I was doing great at it until night 2 when just before I was about to turn over to go to sleep (with the room light glaring in my eyes as I am the first to want to go asleep, all the other ladies in the room were chatting or on their phones) we heard a big commotion. I instantly looked at the door and felt the reality of our vulnerability. 

One girl went to see what was going on while another plonked herself at the door to keep it shut. The other girl returned to the room coughing and holding her chest. In broken English she tried to explain there was a gas bomb let off, She rushed to the window to open them desperate for air. 

I was freaked. Gas bomb!! Was the place about to explode. Has someone left the cooker on? She was explaining it was like a police gas bomb. Another girl in the room started having an asthma attack and the rest of us were coughing. There was definitely something getting into the room through the closed door. 

We were fucked. Whatever was going on we were not going to sleep well tonight. 

Once some time passed and I felt brave enough I went down to the reception and demanded a key to lock out the room from the inside while we slept. Some minimum wage doesn't really care dude, tried to explain that there was no key and nothing bad happened just an unhappy customer. 

He tried to tell me we were safe as he was there.

I left with the master key to the hostel and locked us in our bedroom so we could feel safer and try to get some sleep.

The next day it was like nothing happened. We woke up and all went on with our day, me included. I had a wonderful day. walked more than I have in years and saw so many beautiful sights. 

The key was gone from our door when I got back and I accepted it. 

I was exhausted and nothing would stop me from sleeping well. 

Then we pulled into a station and as I looked out the window at the train beside me I noticed something strange. There were people on the tracks, and a body cut in two. All the gruesome bits were hidden by sheets but I could see their legs. The skin, the deadness. A few feet along were the torso and head. This is real, someone's life has ended. how it happened I have no idea. Before I knew it the train tooted off and we went. 

What a cold shower of reality. How, what, why. It's too much, my brain took it in but didn't let emotions swell.

A life ended. A gruesome scene. It wasn't tv it was real. never in my life did I expect to see such a reality. 

I'd seen someone knocked over while I was walking around Rome. I didn't see it happen thankfully I just saw the ambulance and him on a stretcher, alive but in what state I did not know.

One of his shoes was sitting mid-stride on the road. He had been knocked out of this shoe, what knocked him out of it I don't know but I was taken by this site. Just going about your day and being taken out of your shoe, your life changed at that moment. The people who loved him out there in the world were living their life not yet aware of what had happened. I blessed myself and went on my way and chose not to let it linger and take from my day. 

Bad things will happen. Sitting in fear of them, trying to constantly be prepared for or prevent them robs you of your inner peace and living. I lost so many year, energy and happiness to doing so.