4 Steps that will change your inner voice to one of kindness

You are your lifelong companion, and you get to create the world in which you live, both inside yourself and externally.

Today we are going to focus on your internal world, specifically how you speak to yourself and why it matters so much.

We all have an inner voice that speaks to us constantly. Sometimes it's harsh, critical, and unhelpful. The way we talk to ourselves can have a huge impact on our mental health, happiness, and self-worth. But how can we change our inner voice if it's negative and hurtful? How can we cultivate more self-love and compassion?

In this blog post, I'm going to share with you some powerful techniques that will help you transform your inner voice from a bully to a friend. You will learn how to become more aware of your thoughts, how to rephrase them in a more positive or neutral way, how to identify where your inner voice comes from, and how to speak to your inner child with kindness and care. By the end of this post, you will have the tools to create a more loving and supportive relationship with yourself.

Think of how much energy is wasted talking negatively to yourself. How many opportunities are missed to show yourself the kindness and love you deserve and to treat yourself the way you treat others?

Imagine if you spent a day talking to your best friend the way you talk to yourself. Would they still be your friend? Would they still be who they are after a whole day day of listening to negative, judgy bitching?

You don't get to treat yourself worse than how you treat those you love, because you are deserving of love and most definitely and especially deserving of your love.

1) The first step is AWARNESS.

Awareness is the key to EVERYTHING

Notice your thoughts, the words you use, the tone, and the emotion behind the words you use.

Is it to support, motivate, and empower you, or are the words critical, judgmental, and mean?

What is the delivery like? So often, there is a feeling we want to create in someone with our tone. To empower its strong, clear, and motivating words. We reinforce our message to make sure the listener understands how much we believe in what we are saying.

If it's negative and we want to drag someone down, we can be curt, dramatic, and direct. Our facial expressions will support the message and mood we are trying to convey.

In your mind, listen to the tone. In what way are you trying to impact not just your thoughts but your feelings? Are you creating shame within yourself? Are you trying to hurt your own feelings?

Awareness is knowledge, and knowledge gives you power, and in this instance we are going to use this knowledge to give us the power to make a change.

2) Change happens by rephrasing.

One of the ways to learn how to rephrase is to notice when you speak badly to yourself. You can do this by asking yourself these questions:

• Was this kind?

• Was this helpful?

• Was it necessary?

If the answer is no, then rephrase what was said to one that is more positive or at least neutral. For example, instead of saying "I'm such a failure" try "I made a mistake, now what can I learn from this?.

Another way to rephrase is to remove the judgement and focus on the facts, not the feelings or opinions. For example, instead of saying "I'm ugly and nobody likes me", you can say "My face tells you the genetic combination of my parents; it has no reflection on who i am or my worth. Some people will find it attractive, and others won't. This is true for everybody.

You can learn a lot by surrounding yourself with positive people, books and nurturing hobbies. let them teach, and inspire you in how to change your word and the wiring in your brain to be more focused on positivity and love.

3) Identify the creator and owner of these voices.

We are NOT born disliking and judging ourselves. We learn this along the way from observing adults or being treated negatively by those in our world.

The voice has lived inside us so long that we assume it is our own, but it's not. I assure you of that.

Let's explore whose voice it is.

There are different ways to explore. Take these questions on a walk with you, write them in your journal, record the answers on your phone or have them in your mind as you go about your day. My favourite is to take them for a nap and let my subconscious do some of the work first. Whatever way you choose the encouragement is to delve.

Learn so that you can healing, and grow but do it in a way that feels manageable and safe is how I have done such deep work.

Don’t force yourself or judge yourself. The goal is for this to be a gentle and kind process. You are doing this to learn, heal, and grow.

You are doing this to free yourself from the voices and messages that aren't yours.

Do it all with compassion and what you feel capable of at any given time. Don’t force yourself, don’t try to put a deadline on this exploration.

Ask yourself these questions to help you trace the origin of the voice and understand why it is there, how it formed.

• Where have I heard this before?

• Has someone said this to me in the past?

• Is this something I have heard said in my family or workplace?

Questions will lead to answers. It's okay to ask yourself the same question again and again and get different answers. The truth is, we often have to go through our layers of protection to get to the core response, to get to our truth.

4) Inner child visualisation

Little you still lives inside of you. They may have been forgotten or silenced, but they are there, in you, waiting to reconnect, feel safe, and have fun with you.

Imagine saying all the negative, nasty, and unhelpful things to them. Their little faces filled with innocence; looking at you with love and hope, ready and listening to soak up your words, to take whatever you offer them.

So think twice before berating yourself or berating them.

What did you need more of? Be the adult you needed when you were small. Be the support you need now.

Tip: Get out a picture of little you and put it somewhere you can see it each day as you do this deep work.

If that feels too challenging, start by picturing a child that you have in your life that you love dearly. Picture them and imagine speaking to them the way you do yourself. I can't emphasise enough that you are worthy of your kindness and love, and if you are struggling to believe that, please get in touch and let's have a session on it.

Which step do you think you will start with?

Listening, noticing, and becoming aware of your inner dialogue

Consciously make a change by rephrasing your words.

Identifying who put these messages and voices in your head

Inner child visualisation

Remember, what goes on in your head is your private space. No one can hear you or see what you're imagining. You are safe from judgement, so give it a try.