Self Relationship: The Most Important Relationship in your Life
Your relationship with yourself is often overlooked and taken for granted as something that will exist naturally. But, like any other relationship, it thrives when nurtured with conscious effort and care.
Your relationship with yourself impacts every part of you and how you see yourself, how you treat yourself, and how you feel about yourself. It also influences every aspect of your life, including how you interact with the world and how you see the world, and what you believe to be possible for you in your life.
What is Self-Relationship?
Self-relationship is the connection you have with yourself. It's often something we don't notice, overlook, or take for granted. We assume it will exist without any effort, and it will. But like all relationships, it benefits and flourishes when you invest conscious time and effort into how you treat yourself, how you speak to yourself, and what you believe to be true of you and for you.
Your relationship with yourself encompasses how you perceive, treat, and relate to yourself. A healthy self-relationship is built on self-awareness, self-acceptance, self-compassion, understanding, self-care, and self-love.
It involves getting to know and understand yourself, taking responsibility for your needs, setting boundaries, and making choices that nurture a positive self-connection and help you bloom in your life.
So much of what we do is on autopilot, or because we believe we should or are meant to. The work I do with my clients is about becoming conscious, aware, and creating a beautiful inner world that feels safe and loving. From there, you will feel strong enough and empowered to go and create a lifestyle that nourishes and excites you so that your life really feels like it's all yours to enjoy.
The Importance of Self Relationship
We put so much energy and effort into our relationships with other people because we want to know them, support them, and enjoy them as much as possible. We want to learn how to treat them right and how to best support them. What we forget is that our relationship with ourselves needs the same conscious effort so that we can cultivate a positive self-relationship.
We take knowing ourselves for granted. We live in a busy and distracting world where it is easy to get lost in doing, listening to others, and the noise and convenience of everything in this modern age. We only really use our brain when we are being paid for it or someone else's life or needs depend on us.
We lose ourselves in all this doing and distraction and forget how to tune into ourselves. Silence and alone time with ourselves become something we fear as our brain becomes addicted to doing and distractions.
To know yourself now and to have a positive, kind relationship with yourself requires time and effort, and like many relationships, it also requires a safe, supported space to be guided back to knowing and loving yourself in the deep way you once did before wanting to be something to the world too.
Positive self-relationships are paramount for healing, growth, wellbeing, mental health, and overall happiness. It involves treating yourself with kindness and compassion, understanding your thoughts and feelings, and being in tune with yourself. When you acknowledge and care for your needs and wants, your life becomes something that nurtures you rather than depletes you.
Signs of a Negative Self Relationship
Recognising a negative self-relationship is essential for personal growth. It is the point at which awareness starts to happen, and you can choose to make changes.
Signs may include:
You are extremely critical of yourself, both in how you speak to yourself and in how you speak about yourself. In turn, you allow others to speak badly to you and about you.
You feel like you are not good enough, and you often feel compelled to apologise.
Believing you don’t have choice, power, or freedom over your life.
Frequently prioritising others' needs over one's own.
Relying on external things to bring you joy and make you feel good about yourself. This may be people or possessions.
Struggling to stand up for yourself, setting boundaries, and expressing your needs
You feel a lot of doubt when trying to make decisions.
Needing constant distraction and avoiding being alone.
Feeling guilty or ashamed about having needs, asking of others, or taking up space and time in the world. Apologising for having needs and wants and prioritising others over yourself are also common signs.
How to Improve Your Self Relationship
A healthy self relationship begins with self awareness. Understanding your thoughts, emotions, and behaviours and why they formed is essential. Accepting your strengths and weaknesses, including your flaws and imperfections, is crucial. Self-acceptance sets you free and allows you to show yourself kindness, understanding, and forgiveness.
Prioritising self care for your physical, emotional, and mental health is like maintaining your home. It makes your inner space a happy, cosy place to live.
Self love is the culmination of all these elements. It means having positive and unconditional regard for yourself. When you love yourself, you believe you deserve happiness and respect and deserve to take up space in this world by living the life you want and need.
Changing your inner dialogue to one of kindness is a sure way to make your inner home a nicer place to be.
Ending each day with a little celebration of who you are and what you have achieved that day is a beautiful ritual sure to bring awareness and build self-appreciation.
Face Yourself:
Facing yourself is not as scary as you might think. Most of the darkness you fear inside you is merely shadows created by your fears.
Own Yourself:
Empower yourself to make changes, reprogram default thoughts and actions, and create a life that nurtures and embraces your uniqueness, needs, and wants.
Love Yourself:
Finally, be free to be who you are, adore yourself, and proudly embrace your self-love. It's a journey of understanding your worth and realizing how to make happiness, respect, and fulfillment possible.
